


i really like you

by grizzly28



Series: talking to my diary [2]
Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: F/M, No Beta, Young Love, and decides to declare her love, colin is colin, drunk teenagers, pen is drunk, with a karaoke song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29455341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grizzly28/pseuds/grizzly28
Summary: While celebrating her 18th birthday Penelope gets drunk and decides to declare herself with a karaoke song. This is what she writes on her diary about the experience on the next day.
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Series: talking to my diary [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163579
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	i really like you

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so bear with me please. And for the sake of my inspiration, pretend that "I Really Like You" by Carly Rae Jepsen came out in 2011 lol.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, more notes at the end :)

_May 29 2011_

Dear diary,

I have 3 questions: Why am I like this? What the actual fuck? And how do I stop feeling like I'll throw up every time I breath?

Today is Sunday, it is 11 am right now and I am hiding in Eloise's bedroom trying to figure out a way of leaving this place without having to see anyone. Why did I have to make such a fool out of myself like that? Ugh, I feel like screaming and I have a pounding headache. 

I know I shouldn't have had so many drinks yesterday even though it was my birthday and we were celebrating my big 18. But if I hadn't drank so much, I would have avoided half of the mess I made just hours ago.

In hindsight, I should have known it would come to this though. 

I was celebrating my birthday in the Bridgerton's country house, like Eloise had suggested a few months ago. She said her mom would be more than happy to let us throw a small party without even thinking about it, especially since we are such good teenagers. And El was right. The problem is that while we are indeed good teenagers, it was an 18th birthday party, so we went crazy. And a small party turned out to be half of the school invited with a promise of free booze.

The weather was pretty okay considering it was the end of May, and we decided to set up a karaoke near the pool so we could enjoy the outside of the property while avoiding any damage to the inside of the house. And we were partying like there was no tomorrow. But we should have been wiser than to believe that Violet would just let a bunch of teens partying unattended, so halfway through the party, Daphne and her boyfriend Simon showed up to check on us. And of course, Colin came along because he probably had nothing better to do. 

Of course the 3 of them were not surprised to see the magnitude of the party because they aren't so much older than us to have forgotten how it is to be a teenager. So they just said hi and told us to behave while they would pretend that nothing was really happening and just hang around.

Except, dear diary, that I really really really really really like Colin for the longest time now. So when he hugged me to wish happy birthday I had the stupidest idea I could have ever had and decided to declare my undying love for him through a karaoke song.

I had to pick the most obvious song so he would actually hear what I had to say so I went with the obvious and sang Carly Rae Jepsen's “I Really Like You” putting up a show, with my friends hyping me up so much (something I would have never done if I was at least a little bit sober) and looking at him the whole time. Literally, I sang I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU looking directly at him THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME.

I putted up the show of my life just to walk to him after I finished and find him giving me a hard look and asking who was the guy I really liked and where he was so they could have a little chat before dating one of his sisters. Yes, he had not only friendzoned me, but went even further as to consider me a sister.

I could feel myself going completely red. I saw Eloise flinch and roll her eyes at her brother while Daphne and Simon had uncomfortable and apologetic smiles in my direction while I looked at Colin trying to decide if I wanted to kill him or myself. Maybe both.

I could feel my anger mixed with embarrassment about to burst. So I looked at him and pointedly said that he wasn‘t my fucking brother, turned on my heels, and proceeded to walk towards Nigel Berbrooke, a guy from school that was trying to take me out on a date for ages, and I kissed him. Just to make a point that I didn't need Colin talking to any of my love interests. Especially since he doesn't have the faintest clue that he is my love interest.

I heard Colin saying a loud “what the fuck?” while Eloise just told him to shut up and leave me alone. And after the horrible experience kissing Nigel I felt bad and so rejected that I drank even more to try and make myself feel a little less ashamed. 

Eloise being the best friend she is didn't say anything and stood by my side just waiting for the moment I would finally break and cry. It happened after a few hours when mostly everyone was finding a way to leave or just crash somewhere inside the house and I started to cry because there was no more orange juice to mix with vodka. Yikes.

After a lot of crying I ended up sleeping at some point. And that leads to now and how I'm very much sober and hungover trying to figure out how to face everyone after last night. 

El already knew about my unrequited love for her brother and won't say anything unless I decide to talk about it with her. But the thing is that I basically confessed my feeling in public and I am sure that besides Eloise, now Daphne and Simon know how I feel about Colin and this is so embarrassing. Not that they would ever say anything as well, they are too kind and would never make me feel bad on purpose.

There's also the fact that Nigel definitely thinks that I want to go out with him and I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT THAT. But I also don't want to break his heart because I know how it feels to be rejected on first hand experience. I know, I know, Colin didn't even rejected me… he just didn't acknowledged it and somehow that's even worse.

But what actually breaks my heart is that I have to face Colin and apologize for acting so childish when he was just trying to show that he cares about me. And this is actually so sweet.

I am so stupid.

And I still want him and want him to want me too.

Fuck my life.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wasn't planning on continue the Penelope writes in her diary saga, but the user TJLJJ asked if I would keep writing as the years went on and I really liked the idea. So as long as I can find song that inspire me to write about it, I‘ll be coming back with pages from Penelope‘s diary. 
> 
> Any idea what 19 might bring us?
> 
> Tell me what you think and thanks for reading!


End file.
